The Forgotten Art of Listening

Tips from Life Coach Auckland

Dialogue – 1. “conversation between two or more people. 2. an exchange of opinions on a particular subject; discussion”.

Monologue – 1. “a dramatic piece for a single performer. 2. any long speech by one person, especially when interfering with conversation”.

At Life Coach Auckland, we believe in the one people skill above all others. Listen (as an outside observer) to most ‘conversations’ today and you will come to notice something  interesting. There is a limited amount of real listening occurring between the parties involved.

Whether it be in the workplace, social, or family environment, most people are only listening out for when the other person has finished talking so they can present their own ideas, without any regard for the content of the speakers message.

Perhaps it’s a side effect of our hurried and technologically sped up world. Whatever the reason, many problems rise from this habit of people talking and giving opinions without listening to what others are really saying.

The art of communication not only involves speaking to others, it involves attentive and thoughtful listening.

Engaging in real dialogue is a highly constructive and progressive form of communication, allowing each speaker to fully articulate their views while being ‘listened’ to by genuinely concerned parties who take on board what is being said and listen deeply for the underlying messages the speaker is trying to communicate.

Allowing silence to be present is necessary for effective listening. Silence allows all parties involved to reflect on both the spoken and underlying unspoken content, giving ideas the space to evolve into clarity.

Sadly the creative power of silence is too often treated as an uncomfortable and unwelcome void that needs filling with trite banter if neither party is talking. Half-cocked ideas that haven’t had the grace of time to mature are spat out in rapid ping-pong like succession in an attempt to hastily express individual opinions.

This results in a maze of incomplete thinking, where potentially useful ideas are strangled as spontaneous thoughts are fired out to fill conversation gaps,  ensuring no two seconds are left unfulfilled with verbal expression.

How do we break free of this habit of engaging in meaningless alternating monologues? What’s involved in becoming a better listener?

The good news is that listening skills can be learnt. There are certain skill sets learnt by people involved in the one-to-one talking practices such as counselling, coaching and psychotherapy that can be of benefit to anyone.

They come naturally to some people. We all know someone who we can turn to in times of need that will sit patiently and listen with empathy and caring to our troubles.

There’s the first clue. Developing the capacity and willingness to care enough. We may not agree with every person we listen to, but if we listen with a genuine sense of kindness and concern, the other person will feel acknowledged and will have been helped.

Other attributes include the ability to maintain a child like sense of wonder and curiosity, as opposed to thinking that you ‘know’ what is coming next and ‘have heard it all before’.

The latter attitude leading you to begin formulating advice based around your own biased opinion before properly hearing everything the person is trying to say.

Listen with interest and patience, have a genuine urge to fully understand this person’s thoughts. Using open ended questions is a great way to acknowledge what the other person is saying and deepen your own understanding.

Also practice listening to yourself. Not your rational ego self, but your wise inner-self that guides you intuitively if you are willing to let it. Permit yourself to indulge in some silence on a regular basis and write down your thoughts in a journal. You’ll be amazed at the new ideas that develop from this.

As you sharpen your ability and willingness to listen properly your conversations will become a powerful form of dialogue allowing you to be more effective in all areas of life.

If you are interested in improving your listening skills, then let Life Coach Auckland help you.  Contact us now for a free interview.

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