It seems there’s some real energy around the topic of realising your dreams through unleashing your own inner power to get things done.
The things that are important to you.
Those things that drive you toward your goals because your goals are important to you.
Seth Godin has a certain way with few words that help illustrate what I am endeavouring to get across to you. At Life Coach Auckland, this concept of inner power is what we help our clients to gain.
The same message that I illustrated in my last post.
In these days of rapid change and our ‘want it now’ mentality you consciously look for the magic bullet, the fast easy way to get what you want.
Remember the story about the gym owner trying to figure out ways to keep his clients on track?
Or maybe you have followed the teachings from the Secret, you know, The Law of Attraction, and yet you find that you somehow haven’t got what you want.
You do the affirmations, create the vision board, and even meditate on the outcomes you desire.
Last night on television two different programmes delivered what I think is a key if not the key to ‘The Secret” to success.
The first story was about a truck driver who was made redundant from his job.
He then decided he wanted to be a doctor!
Wow! Now that’s a big shift from where he was to where he wanted to go.
His application for medical school was rejected.
Undeterred he enrolled at a technical college and gained a diploma in science. He then reapplied to medical school, was readmitted, and, you guessed it is now a qualified medical doctor.
It ‘only’ took him 12 years!
In the other story a Dutch immigrant took on some overgrown swampy ground no one else wanted.
With sheer hard work and determination he knocked the land into shape.
He now has a business as this country’s largest organic blueberry producer.
Not only does his farm support he and his wife, but the families of his two children as well as providing seasonal work for a local migrant community.
And, he is hard at work on his farm every day – not because he has to, but because he is doing what he loves.
What’s their ‘secret’?
Was it passion? Was it a vision? Maybe it was both. What did they have in common?
Stick ability.
They both made a decision and set about achieving their dream. And they stuck at it until they succeeded.
The challenge we all face is to find something we can get ‘stuck into’ that we are passionate about and do whatever it takes to get there.
Looking back, I bet that new doctor does not think that 12 years was such a long time!
Here are some thoughts from us here at Life Coach Auckland:
You thought you were normal, leading a conventional life with normal healthy ambitions and striving to piece it all together in a way that allowed you to accomplish your goals.
Perhaps on the surface it would appear that all the effort and hard work is paying dividends. You live in a nice house, the kids are doing OK at school, your career is on track and your new position provides you with the esteem of your colleagues, family and friends… not to mention a nice boost to the household income.
Or perhaps your not quite there yet, but you can see it all panning out in the long run.
Something’s not quite right though. Beneath it all you find yourself becoming increasingly distracted by a growing sense of dissatisfaction… of lack… of “something missing”. But what is it? It’s nothing material and definite, and you have trouble talking to your partner about this “something missing” because it’s so vague and elusive.
Perhaps you’ve been feeling this way for a while now and it’s got to the stage where ordinary life feels empty. Things that previously absorbed your attention and interest seem to have lost importance and value.
And unlike the scenario above where things at least appear good on the surface, this emptiness may have created feelings of doubt and low confidence and only served to keep you in a job that’s dissatisfying. Or perhaps it’s preventing you from re-entering the workforce even though the kids are no longer dependant on you and you would dearly love to be working again.
Are you having a midlife crises? Maybe, what does one look like? For now let’s just say that a mid-life crisis is often an attempt to meet this sense of dissatisfaction. People often try to fill the void with external change, such as finding a new job, a new sporty car or bike, a new partner, a new image, a new place to live, or reverting back to habits and behaviour of the good old days when life seemed lighter and more fun.
Change is part of the answer, only not so much external change as internal change. The “something missing” may be a tap on the shoulder from your better self wanting to be expressed.
Abraham Maslow pointed out; “we have, all of us, an impulse to improve ourselves, an impulse towards actualizing more of our potentialities, towards self-actualisation, or full humanness, or human fulfillment…”
It is a natural transition period. You could call it the transition from job to vocation. In early adult life the roles provided by a new career or parenthood were able to meet many of our needs. A sense of achievement, development of new skills, growth, independence, social esteem, etc could all be found within the framework of these new roles.
You also found out a lot about what you didn’t like, and while developing in your career you very likely had to adapt your natural way of being to fit into certain roles.
Some years down the track, typically between the ages of 35 and 45 although it can happen both sooner or later, you may have subconsciously begun to question your sense of purpose. That’s when that sense of “something missing” started to gnaw at you.
In our work with people we see this a lot. A person may have an enviable job with good pay and all the material trimmings to show for it, but what’s missing is a vehicle that allows expression of much greater potentials.
These impulses can’t be satisfied by simply working harder or accumulating more. Expansion of business doesn’t necessarily lead to expansion of the soul.
How can this be achieved? Let me assure you it’s not something that can be accomplished during a one day ‘Change Your Life’ type seminar, although this may help raise some awareness.
The transition involves a gradual integration of the many aspects of an individual. One of the first steps to take is identifying yourself as being more than your job, your profession, your role, or your title. These are what you do, not what you are.
In a previous post titled “Who’s In Charge of Your Life” we mentioned the dangers of over-identifying with only one aspect of your self.
This transition phase calls for a person to look deep inside, to tap into latent potentials and bring them to fruition in a way that says “This is who I am and this is what I am here for!”
Carl Jung gave us some clues about discovering our hidden potentials in his exploration of man’s unconscious drivers. What are the hidden inner drivers that truly motivate you? What are the internal obstacles that limit you?
Are you up to exploring the drivers that truly motivate you? Our Competence Analysis & Development Assessment program provides you with clear insights into your core competencies and untapped development potentials.
If you’re ready to answer the “something’s missing” riddle and step into your greater potential, it would be our privilege to guide you. Curious? Contact us to find out more.
To contact Life Coach Auckland, click below for a free, no obligation interview.
“Our potential is realized by optimizing our own individuality and uniqueness – never by molding them into another’s opinion of what we should do, or what we are capable of”.
After years in the life coaching business, and after talking to many clients as part of Life Coach Auckland, there is one thing we have noticed.
That is, how most people behave differently in different settings? And these different ways of behaving can be quite contrasting.
The caring concerned mother at kindergarten drop-off hardly seems like the same hard-nosed woman that manages a team of plucky, testosterone filled males at the corporate office. Then there’s her husband whose life has been enriched by seeing both faces, and probably a few more. Likewise she would have been exposed to his many sides.
You may even be aware of some of your own inner personalities. Perhaps you’re aware of some that like to consult with you during your self-talk, like the cartoon character with his own little devil on one shoulder and his Saint on the other, both competing for attention and trying to influence his decisions.
Psychology recognizes these diverse elements of the personality as different aspects of the whole person, and they serve a purpose. They help us to adapt to the social environment, bring out what’s needed to get different tasks accomplished, and enable us to meet others at a level of common interest.
When a person who was previously ill tempered and obnoxious, later becomes cheerful and friendly, we tend to say “He’s changed”, when the only thing that’s changed is the behaviour. We are able to express different aspects of ourselves at different times.
You could say we have the ability to play different roles in different circumstances, as you no doubt recognize. But what we don’t usually know – or question – is who chooses the role we play?
Along with the wee devil and the Saint, we have a number of other distinct aspects in our personality. They can be considered as sub-personalities, all striving to express themselves. And depending which one succeeds decides the corresponding role we then play. Because they are semi-autonomous, usually we are quite unconscious of the jousting match that has unfolded within.
Problems arise when a person becomes so fully identified with a particular sub-personality, and lives that identity so completely that they loose touch with who they really are. This can be typical of celebrities in the media fishbowl.
You may know someone who identifies themselves so strongly with their position at work that they have trouble adjusting to family life when they get home, or any aspects of life outside the confines of the office.
A common scenario is the high profile athletes wanting to make a come-back, more often than not because they feel like they have no identity outside the sporting arena that nurtured and shaped a part of them with such great influence.
Such a person is living their life according to their perceived expectations of others. Their own wants and needs become subordinated to meet what society expects from the role they fill. In extreme cases this can destroy a person, as witnessed with too many movie and music celebrities.
Getting to know our sub-personalities can be a wonderful and liberating growth experience. By becoming aware of and understanding them we can better coordinate and direct their expression to our own needs and goals, lessening the feeling of inner conflict as we transform them into helpful allies, allowing us to live with greater harmony and integration.
Want help? For a free interview contact Life Coach Auckland today.
Dialogue – 1.“conversation between two or more people. 2. an exchange of opinions on a particular subject; discussion”.
Monologue – 1. “a dramatic piece for a single performer. 2. any long speech by one person, especially when interfering with conversation”.
At Life Coach Auckland, we believe in the one people skill above all others. Listen (as an outside observer) to most ‘conversations’ today and you will come to notice something interesting. There is a limited amount of real listening occurring between the parties involved.
Whether it be in the workplace, social, or family environment, most people are only listening out for when the other person has finished talking so they can present their own ideas, without any regard for the content of the speakers message.
Perhaps it’s a side effect of our hurried and technologically sped up world. Whatever the reason, many problems rise from this habit of people talking and giving opinions without listening to what others are really saying.
The art of communication not only involves speaking to others, it involves attentive and thoughtful listening.
Engaging in real dialogue is a highly constructive and progressive form of communication, allowing each speaker to fully articulate their views while being ‘listened’ to by genuinely concerned parties who take on board what is being said and listen deeply for the underlying messages the speaker is trying to communicate.
Allowing silence to be present is necessary for effective listening. Silence allows all parties involved to reflect on both the spoken and underlying unspoken content, giving ideas the space to evolve into clarity.
Sadly the creative power of silence is too often treated as an uncomfortable and unwelcome void that needs filling with trite banter if neither party is talking. Half-cocked ideas that haven’t had the grace of time to mature are spat out in rapid ping-pong like succession in an attempt to hastily express individual opinions.
This results in a maze of incomplete thinking, where potentially useful ideas are strangled as spontaneous thoughts are fired out to fill conversation gaps, ensuring no two seconds are left unfulfilled with verbal expression.
How do we break free of this habit of engaging in meaningless alternating monologues? What’s involved in becoming a better listener?
The good news is that listening skills can be learnt. There are certain skill sets learnt by people involved in the one-to-one talking practices such as counselling, coaching and psychotherapy that can be of benefit to anyone.
They come naturally to some people. We all know someone who we can turn to in times of need that will sit patiently and listen with empathy and caring to our troubles.
There’s the first clue. Developing the capacity and willingness to care enough. We may not agree with every person we listen to, but if we listen with a genuine sense of kindness and concern, the other person will feel acknowledged and will have been helped.
Other attributes include the ability to maintain a child like sense of wonder and curiosity, as opposed to thinking that you ‘know’ what is coming next and ‘have heard it all before’.
The latter attitude leading you to begin formulating advice based around your own biased opinion before properly hearing everything the person is trying to say.
Listen with interest and patience, have a genuine urge to fully understand this person’s thoughts. Using open ended questions is a great way to acknowledge what the other person is saying and deepen your own understanding.
Also practice listening to yourself. Not your rational ego self, but your wise inner-self that guides you intuitively if you are willing to let it. Permit yourself to indulge in some silence on a regular basis and write down your thoughts in a journal. You’ll be amazed at the new ideas that develop from this.
As you sharpen your ability and willingness to listen properly your conversations will become a powerful form of dialogue allowing you to be more effective in all areas of life.
If you are interested in improving your listening skills, then let Life Coach Auckland help you. Contact us now for a free interview.
Coming Soon. In the meantime why not sign up for our newsletter? Our aim is to add valuable content for you to use. As life coaches based in Auckland, we’d love to hear from you and help you achieve success in your life. And what success means will be different for each of you. Here’s a short somewhat irreverent but nonetheless valid clip that talks about success.
And becoming successful is one of the things we at Auckland Life Coach are very good at. Remember life is a process and there is no end until the end. Success is the same you keep working on your success.
The more successful you are, the more likely you are to invest in getting better, and it is highly likely you will engage the services of a life coach to keep you motivated and focused.
Thinking about talking to an Auckland life coach? Take the first step today and request a no-obligation, free interview.
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It seems there’s some real energy around the topic of realising your dreams through unleashing your own inner power to get things done.
After years in the life coaching business, and after talking to many clients as part of 
